Throughout my experience in advancing DEI and reinforcing a healthy and fair culture in the workplace, I have been asked many times if there are tools that can help historically marginalized individuals, including women and BIPOC, to navigate the workplace. I started reflecting on my own journey and what has helped me.

First, I reflected on the question of why so many women and BIPOC experience challenges on a daily basis. These challenges occur not only in the workplace but in many of the places they go, particularly if those places are unfamiliar and no one looks like them. The challenges come with the bias and stereotyping women and BIPOC deal with all time. I find that when bias is very subtle, almost unperceivable, is when it is more dangerous because we don’t even recognize it. This form of bias is called microaggression.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it is a comment or action that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group.

Microaggressions are dangerous because they are subtle, everywhere, and oftentimes unintentional. It is difficult to identify if that comment or action was good or bad, yet it feels wrong, and in the long run, it hurts deeply.

How may a microaggression sound?

  • “You are so articulate.” 
  • “It’s unusual for someone of your race to be so educated.” 
  • “Wow, your hair is wild.”
  • “You don’t look like (your race or ethnicity).”
  • “What she is trying to say is… “
  • “You are being too sensitive.”

How may a microaggression look?

  • Women are constantly interrupted at meetings. 
  • Women or BIPOC not getting credit for their ideas or comments in the workplace. 
  • Women or BIPOC constantly have to confirm their high-level role / position because others assume they are in lower-level positions. 
  • A White man or woman clutches his/her purse or checks wallet as a Black or Latino person approaches.

Facing constant microaggressions is exhausting: it’s a death by a thousand cuts. I’ve adapted this phrase to “death by a thousand microaggressions.” One won’t hurt you, and two won’t damage you. But imagine if you have to constantly prove yourself to others, correct incorrect assumptions about you and defend yourself so that your voice is counted. It is physically draining, and more importantly, it can affect you at your core. Microaggressions negatively impact physical and emotional outcomes, such as depression and low-self esteem.

Many years ago, at team meetings in an organization I worked at, I remember oftentimes when I offered a comment, I was interrupted. Or when I shared ideas, they didn’t get any attention. But later on, someone else, say a white guy, repeated my idea and got the attention I was looking for. It made me feel bad as if I was invisible or something was wrong with me. I thought maybe they didn’t understand me, maybe I wasn’t communicating clearly enough. I blamed English being my second language, I didn’t have native communication skills. Over time, these interactions made me feel insecure, and I slowly stopped offering my comments and ideas.

When I started learning about DEI, biases, and microaggressions, it was a revelation. I was relieved to know that it wasn’t me, that it wasn’t entirely toward me all these interactions. It was the system, not that I didn’t know how to communicate or that I was doing something wrong. This awareness helped me to feel confident again. I started reflecting on the many times microaggressions have affected me and how they made me more self-aware and little by little less confident. I started recognizing when a microaggression came to me. Like the time someone learned that I have an MBA, and he said, “really? I’ve never met a Mexican with an MBA.” I am sure he meant well, that it was his reality. But what was I supposed to respond? To feel flattered? What was his intention in saying that? It definitely made me feel, if not bad, ackward. I didn’t respond at the moment, I didn’t know what to say. After reflecting, I thought of some ways I could have responded. Like, “oh, I am sorry you haven’t met a Mexican with an MBA, there are many. In fact, Mexico has many people with masters, PhDs, and post-researchers” (with the intention to educate the person that made the microaggression comment).

Since microaggressions are based on biases (unconscious or conscious), I noticed that repeatedly, I get similar microaggressions based on my dimensions and the stereotypes people have about them. For instance, women in the workplace often get interrupted or don’t get recognized for their comments or ideas. Now, when I get a similar microaggression that I have encountered in the past, I feel more confident to act or share a comment instead of freezing or getting offended.

We can’t control when a microaggression comes to us, but we can control how we react to them.  Don’t let microaggressions shake your self-confidence. Here I am sharing a list of examples and tools that have helped me and hopefully can help others to handle microaggressions.

  • Recognizing when a microaggression occurs. Knowledge is power, and when you know that what you just heard or experienced was a microaggression, you can handle it better, whether it was directed to you or you witnessed it. It is crucial to be aware that microaggressions are real, are everywhere, and that they can come from anyone. For me, it helps to understand that a microaggression is not entirely personal but that it is part of systemic racism, genderism, or another systemic bias that is embedded in society. It takes time to recognize when there is a microaggression and label it as is. But once you start to identify them, they get easier to recognize.
  • Reflect and take action. At first, you may not have time to react at the moment or respond, and that is okay. If you are the target of a microaggression, do not respond reflexively. It is better to take time to reflect on what happened, to question why and what are the biases and stereotypes that made this person or organization say or do such a thing. Think about what responses you may offer with comments to help break the bias and maybe, educate others. Or maybe you don’t want to educate others at that time, which is okay too. Make sure you understand the microaggression, that it was a bias against one of your dimensions in a society that is slowly learning how to respect and treat others fairly.
  • Practice and practice. As with everything, practicing consciously how to respond to microaggressions will make it easier and less painful over time. You can start in a safe place, with people that you trust, and yet, they made that comment that hurt you. It can also help to share and practice in a safe environment, like in a support group (ERG or a Lean In circle as an example).
  • Have allies / be an ally. The more people know about what microaggressions are and how they look, the more they can identify when they occur. When we share this information with our colleagues and even relatives and friends, we can get their support. For instance, if or when you get interrupted in meetings, ask a trusted colleague to be your ally and help you share your ideas with the team. Your colleague can say  “Excuse me, but she was saying something”  or “Can we hear what she was saying?” The same goes for your ideas. If someone repeated your idea and got the attention when you didn’t, your colleague can say, this is the same idea she said previously.  Or you can be an ally to others, even if they haven’t asked for it.

Just making the space to talk and share experiences can make a difference in how you react to microaggressions. As with everything, it takes practice to notice and respond to microaggressions, to be intentional about how we communicate and act, and not offend others with our ignorance or biases.

Learning from each other how to communicate better, to be more empathetic, and to let others be as they are, is the journey of a lifetime. It is about evolving to understand each other better and grow together so we all can have fair opportunities to thrive.

What are some of the tools that have helped you overcome microaggressions? Please share them in the comments or send me a message.