This past year and a half have been unimaginable and very challenging for most of us. For me, in addition to the pandemic, we had the terribly sad news that my mom was diagnosed with Lymphoma in June 2020. Right then, my family and I decided to move to Mexico to support my mother through her disease and treatment. Little did we know that those would be the last months we shared with her.

The pandemic made it easy to move to Mexico. Work and schools became remote, so we continued with our California commitments from Mexico. We created a small ‘bubble’ with my mom, brother, and a few other family members, making the isolation more manageable.

We were blessed to spend such quality time with my mom for more than six months. We had lovely and delicious family meals, long afternoons playing board games, cozy coffees, breakfasts, and shared many stories, worries, fears, wishes, and dreams.

Not having my mom around and knowing that I won’t see her again has been so hard to process. However, I am lucky and blessed to have so much love and support all around me, with dear friends and family that have been invaluable for my recovery. They give me strength, hope, joy, their time to listen, and just to be there with me throughout this difficult time.

It has been four months since my mom left, and I’ve been taking the time to heal, reflect, and adapt. I learned that the mourning period is an opportunity to deepen our understanding of what really matters in life and refocus our purpose and how we live.

Here are a few things I’ve been reflecting on:

  • We don’t have control over many things in our lives, even less over other people’s lives. As much as we wish or do, each of us has a journey, and we can’t change it just because we want it, even if we think it is the best for them.
  • Accepting people as they are and where they are. Even if we disagree with them, we can support them by sharing time, being present, and not trying to change them. I believe we can give our suggestions and advice but let them decide and live their way.
  • Enjoy the present. The past is gone, and the future is uncertain (more than ever) so live the now. This is the most important reflection I’ve come to so far. I have heard it so many times, but it really hit me when I lost my mom. I am incredibly happy and lucky I could build so many great memories with her. Now that she is gone, I am grateful I took the time and was present then. How many people say I’ll enjoy, travel, learn, or do x when I retire? The reality is that we don’t know if we will be alive, with the energy or health, by the time we finally give ourselves the chance.
  • Don’t worry, be happy. Yes, as many thoughtful people have said, every little thing is going to be all right. It is a waste of time worrying about things that we can’t control or don’t matter. It is better to focus our energy on the things we can enjoy now.
  • Do what makes you happy as much as you can now. Life is an act of balance over many things that we need to do, things we have to do, responsibilities, and obligations. But also by things we enjoy, including spending time with our loved ones, our hobbies, and most importantly, things that feed our souls. Even dedicating just 5 minutes a day to something that brings us joy makes a difference in our mood.

Losing my mom also made me think about the question: how do you want people to remember you? It doesn’t necessarily mean when you are gone for good, but maybe just when you are not around. The response to this question about my mom is, above all, she was content and grateful for all the wonderful things life gave her.

As for me, I would like to continue building my journey where I am resourceful, content, in peace, and serving my community. So I can be remembered as someone that enjoys life, is grateful, and positively influences her community.